Many years ago now, I worked with a lady, Sandy, who had cancer. She had several tumors throughout her body, and was trying everything to reverse the condition. During our sessions together, it emerged that her Mother had died shortly after she was born. During her childhood, her Father had had about 20 relationships with different girlfriends, who were a kind of step-mother to her. This was a lot of change, for anyone let alone a child.
After each breakup the father derided and insulted the woman who had just left. She was trash, terrible, stupid, useless. They were better off without her. ‘Yes’ my client had agreed. She was a child and she would agree with everything her only care-giver said; because she had no one else who could care for her.
When we asked her body what we had to do to help balance her body’s stresses held in memory, the body selected the words ‘Self-Respect’. She could not understand the relevance, so we discussed the time of her childhood:
Me: “So your Dad displayed a dislike of the women who left?”
Me: “And you are a …?
I waited, hoping the connection would become obvious to her. Minutes passed in silence. Nope, I thought, she doesn’t see it.
So I asked: “So if you are a woman like them, what did he teach you to think of yourself?”
Sandy said: “Oh God! That I’m terrible and stupid!”
Yes indeed. And there was more. In the end she said she felt from his behaviour that her father truly hated women. In fact, the Client’s Mother’s family gave her up for adoption and would have nothing further to do with the Client’s father.
My client was experiencing cancer tumours, all little contained pockets of self-hate from experiencing her Father’s view of women, and from suffering abandonment after her Mother's death, to being treated as disposable by her Mother’s family who refused to accept her, and her 20+ stepmothers’ departures or, as she saw it 'abandonments'.
Sandy did, actually, recover fully. From over 20 tumors to 0. She is grateful for her life! And she takes great care in choosing her words when she with anyone now, especially her children.
It is very important to think carefully how you speak and act with one another.
Being loving and accepting makes all the difference in the world.